if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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