What did we do last night that was yellow?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
