the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
