I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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