Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize