yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
