I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Mom said you looked used
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
