I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
