You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
