Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize