the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
