You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
