I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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