Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
