I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
