did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
