I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
