I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
