If that was your dad, he is hot
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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