You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
