You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
