Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
