Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm passing your future prison.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
