Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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