just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
