Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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