well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize