is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
