All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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