omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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