I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
