Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
