was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
