Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
