weddingsv make me drug and hornr
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
