so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
