my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
