The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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