wanna go halves on a baby?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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