I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
