does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
