Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
