Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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