Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
