I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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