i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
