Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
