You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
