i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
