as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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