Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
