I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
