so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
