Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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