I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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