just tell him i said nine months
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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