Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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