This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
