I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
