do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
