You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
