If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
