i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
