We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize