benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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