All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
