Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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