Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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