We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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