Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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