I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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