Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
