if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
