do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
His nipple licking is glorious
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