I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
