a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
