but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
