Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
