i would punch a child for taco bell
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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