At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
