so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
