Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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