I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
