Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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