What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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