It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm too high and old for this...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
