I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
