He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
