in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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