I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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