Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
