she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
