And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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