Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
