Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
