just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
