She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
