last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
