I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
and she was petting her beer can
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So much Jack, so little girl.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
