Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
