This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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