Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
