the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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