its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
