Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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