if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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