I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
